Random Sh*t.

I know. I was a clown. I made myself a clown. But you guys has taken it too far now. Can you stop? You  really don't know the line between joke and hurting other's feeling.

It's not only about jokes.. It has always been unfair for me. When I always struggle very hard to do the right thing, other people just walk away so easily, leaving me feeling devastated and tired. When I always try to say 'yes' to help other people, most of the people I ask for help says 'no' with so many excuses. When I always consider other people's feeling, following their will, letting they choose where we'll eat or where we're gonna do the homework together, I never forced my wishes, I swallowed my wishes so I can please you guys. And now.. what do I get? Nothing but devastation.

So I decided to stop all of these. I'm tired to be a yes-man. I'm tired to help people and have myself trapped in the process. I'm tired to be a nice girl who always being used by some other people. I can be angry, too. You guys may have heard that silent people keeps the most terrible anger.. that may be true.

Sometimes, I let the anger out. I remember that time, when he seems to use me for my high scores in school, I became very angry inside, and start to ride my motorcycle in high speed. That was fun, and relieving. But most of the time, I don't show it. I keep them deep in my heart, accumulated and slowly decayed. And it can explode any time, with the right stimulus that shoot straight to my weakness spot.

So please, don't disturb me now. I just need some courage to start changing a few things. And it start.. now. Now.